Phantom Cell Phone

I had posted before about the phantom poop so this is just a little more into the unknown. I'm sure everyone has experianced this before the starnge feeling you might have either heard your phone go off or felt in vibrate. But once you check nothing...... Strange I know. But if you ask me I think maybe you aren't going crazy but there was actually a noise or an alert.

With phones the way they are today with so much to do on them I think companies make your phone go off randomly and quieter then usual so people use them more. Think about it, the more you use your phone the better plan you need. I know its a stretch but it could be true. Happens to me all the time, I think I hear my phone so I check. Once disapointed there wasn't a message I begin messen around on the phone.

The phanotm alert, is it in our heads or is it a real alert? Think on it next time you randomly feel a vibrate or hear a sound and there is nothin there for it.

Road Way Etiquette

Over the past 6 months I have found myself behind the wheel a good portion, about 40 hours a week for some of it. Needless to say I put a shit load of miles on my car as well as having to throw an even bigger shit load of money into the mother-fucker. But with all these miles and aggravating hours under my belt I was able to pick up on some road way etiquette that I wanted to share with all you bloggarians.

1) Go the fucking proper speed on the highway. We all know that for most highways the speed limit is 65, but we are also aware that no one goes that speed on the highway, people tend to keep their cars somewhere between 70-85. So go with the fricken flow of traffic or don't use the highway. Unless there are special circumstances never fall under the appropriate speed, the circumstances could be things such as: bad weather, car problems, too much to drink, warrant for your arrest..... you get the idea. If any of these fall into your category then fine, but stay in the fucking right lane with the grandmas and truckers. (For the picture I couldn't really get one that depicted a car going slow so I just found what the slow kids drive in, hope you understand.)

2) Don't spontaneously brake. This is one of the worst, people that feel the need to constantly tap their brakes while driving. News flash if you take your foot off the gas every once in awhile your car slows down automatically. There is no need to keep jumping back and forth from gas to brake gas to break. Its bad for your car for one thing and the continuous flash of your red brake lights can really cause someone to see red, if you know what I mean. (think about the image in the picture of there wasn't a lot of cars in front of the yellow one and he was still braking.)

3) Bobbers and weavers. I respect the people that can strategically pull off this maneuver without coming off as a complete douche bag, but those who can't do this without causing the people around them to slam on brakes or swerve to avoid collision is ok with me. (It might not look like it but the picture is actually a retarded woman depicting the act of bobbing and weaving.)

4) People on cell phones. Ok ill admit I tend to talk on my cell phone every now and then but I a. Don't stay on long or b. usually use a handless set (and not a gay one). Im talking about those people that chat away on their phone oblivious to all other traffic around them, merging without looking, going 20 miles an hour, swerving all over. Im talking about those fucking bastards.

5) This next category is me stereotyping because we all know that there is always exceptions, but I say be politically correct there and what does that mean you ask? It means majority rules, so if the majority of your category is guilty of this you all have to pay. This all being said if you are old, or a woman, or asian stay off the fucking road, and if you are all of these things never even look at a car because you can't drive worth of shit.

Now these are just a handful of some of the problems on the road. I believe them to be a majority of the problems however, so try to abide by them. And try to make our roads once again safe for people to be on their marry way.

Phantom Poops

This quiet and overlooked problem is most likely plaguing the world and no one has talked about it. Well I'm here to change that, once again, and get it all out on the table.

I'll start this off by telling everyone of you blogginers. A "phantom poop" is the mysterious occurrence when you get that overwhelming feeling of the ever growing urgency of a trip to the mighty throne to unleash the furry. When the feeling is too much to take anymore and you finally sit down to let out the unneeded minerals you all the proper feelings that signifies everything went as planned. But, to your chagrin when you stand to take a gander at your recent triumph there is nothing to smile at, just an empty boil of yellowed water (and hopefully some TP you dirty sallies out there). This my friends is a "phantom poop", no visual trophy for your moments of intestinal battle.

Even though this is a minimal problem, to some of us, it does cause your smile/devious smirk to turn downwards. And I know that your recently sculpted waste artifact is most likely just snaked its way curiously down its inevitable path prematurely, there is still a possibility that it never in fact existed. If the latter is the case then what did you just go through? hmmmmmm there you go, the mental gears are now turning, contemplating the possibility that you sit and give birth to an anal baby without actually doing so.

So keep this in mind next time you sit down and shed a couple pounds. Then once you turn for that visual and find nothing think about what you just went through and if it was all for nothing.

Then think what else do you struggle through to come up without any rewards.

Now thats life.

Go Fuck Yourself

Yea thats right I said it. Go Fuck Yourself.

Now don't get all up in arms I was just playing around, but didn't that get you a little POed (pissed off)? Thats because telling someone to go "fuck themselves" is a harsh comment. Not just for the very obvious reason that you are swearing at them in most likely a very aggressive manner but also using one of the most vulgar of swear words (fuck).

Which on a side note has become more and more excepted in society, is this because over all we as a nation are thinking and acting more in the gutter or because society is becoming more understanding of people's uncontrollable need to use profanity? Just some food for thought.

OK back to what I was talking about the term "Go Fuck Yourself". This my bloggulights is by far one of the worst things you can say to an individual. Not only are you swearing (quit brutally I might add) but you are also demanding them to go and preform some sort of hanus sexual act to themselves. Having this said, this was directed at a female that would actually be pretty sexy, unless this particular female was not in the proper weight to height ratio, which is not exceeding 5 foot 7 and 120 lbs. Then that in except-able, in fact encouraged. But, if this is said to a man, wahooooooo stop the presses because someone should be receiving a punch to a damaging bodily location within the next few seconds.

Because for one telling a man to go fuck themselves doesn't mean your saying, "Hey man you don't you go masturbate" you are telling them, "Hey man why don't you viciously go shove something in your ass repeatedly until it crosses into the threshold of sexual satisfaction" therefore, insinuating that person is in fact gay. And unless you are a gay man you should take much offense to this statement. In which you must now regain your dignity by either A) throwing fisticuffs or B) throwing back a better verbal lashing.

Taking another perspective on the matter you can also look at this statement as telling you that you in fact can not find anyone to "fuck" (or make love to for all those lovers out there) and you must then go and preform this act alone and most likely crying. Yes that is right my "friends" I just took this insult to the next level, the emotional level. You are now being told you are not capable of seducing or enticing the opposite (or same) sex to fornicate with you. Another huge insult to you as a person/all around human being.

So lets take a tally here:

You 1) are being told to shove something in your ass

and 2) being told you can't find anyone to place enough pity on you to privilege you enough to let you stick your member in them.

wow that is to quick slaps to the face to you my degraded brother.

tsk tsk

Don't let this happen to you.

Only you can prevent verbal lashings.

Time

This, my friends, is the most important thing in any of our lives. And this is why after a long hiatus of posting I will kick off my spiratic ranting with such an important and diabolic subject.

Again, time, it is the only thing we all really have to give and use in our lifetime. As we age and fade into the inevitable oblivion of the unknown we have time to thank for that. Time, the tick tocking of wasted minutes and wasted moments stripped away by the miniscule second hand of the clock spinning in an endless circle with no chance of ever regaining back what has been pasted over. We sit, we stare, we think about things we want to do or wish were different and we just waste this precious thing. Time, as you are reading this and as I am typing this we are all using moments that will never be regained again.

I find myself sitting thinking about how all we have is time and what I want to spend it on in my lifetime. I think about how I want to travel and see the world, see things that really wouldn't make a difference in my life, besides that chance of a random epiphany or long ponder. I think about how I need to waste my time working to gain pieces of paper and metal in hopes that one day I will accumulate enough to be able to do the things I believe will allow me to spend at least some of my time with a smile on my face.

Now here is a challenge for all you cyber jumpers, do something that makes time stop for you. Do something that will burn such a deep remembrance into each of your minds that it becomes timeless. I know, I know, there is no such thing as timeless because we all eventually run out of breath. But then again if you do find something so great or do something so fantastic as to be able to pass it onto family and friends who then can keep this story with them and pass it from ear to mind, then out there mouth to another ear and mind. It then can be categorized as timeless in my book.

Another thing to keep in mind is that your time is the greatest thing you could ever give someone. The things you choose to do and the people you choose to be with is truly something you need to take seriously. Because, as stated before, you will never get those moments back. Therefore, if you are sitting there with someone keep in mind you should live every second to the fullest, so make everything count. Also know giving someone your time is the biggest gift you can give.

I hope my ramblings will make some of you think out there and perhaps cause some changes in some lives. So enough of this and thank you for taking time to read this.

And always remember to choice wisely what you spend your next ticks on, because soon after every tick there is always a tock that will never be used again.

Weekend Fund

After a long sabbatical of not writing I am back to enlighten you on some of my weekend activities. Not saying that any of you blog hoppers out there really in fact care about what I did but maybe, just maybe you will see something that will light a little bulb in your head and will try something other then searching around the internet.

Well first thing is first I drove, I drove from 3:30 until around 9:30. It doesn't matter where I was going to, or where I was coming from for that matter, the fact is i drove for 6 hours from a point A to a point B that felt like I would never arrive at. This is an activity that i do not recommend doing unless your point B is a place of sun, fun, and lots of scantily clad people.

Another great activity was I got my car registered. This is also an event I do not recommend partaking in if you are looking for a hoot and hollering good time. But, on the other hand this is something that is very important to get done and you should not fool around with an unregistered car. Cops don't take kindly to unregistered cars.

Now onto a lighter note, I did happen to catch the movie "Zombieland". Im sure during your hours of flicking through channel after channel or viewing site after site you have stumbled onto an advertisement for the newest zombie adventure. Being as I am a huge zombie fan I had to take this flick in, first hand and full screen, as well as letting it empty my full wallet with the high prices of cinema these days. Either way I was extremely pleased with this movie, it kept me immensely entertained between its sly, situational humor and the great amount of violence. With this all being said if a strange man came up to me and said, "Son what to you recommend I take in using my eyes and ears?" I would have to answer, "Im glad you asked strange man, you have to partake in the movie Zombieland."

The next delicious treat I dabbled in over the weekend was the delectable taste of Pumpkin Head Ale from my local watering hole. This drink by itself really gives you the taste of the new fall season we have just been placed in. It isn't just enough to have such a taste bud pleasing drink in your mouth but the bartenders decided to also place sweet sweet cinnamon sugar around the rim of the glass, so as to make every sip seem like a bite into a freshly baked pumpkin pie. Thank you great maker of this tasty drink, thank you for bringing a warm feeling to my heart with every cool feeling to my lips. The only downfall to this drink was the sticky fingers you come away with.

These events listed above where the highlight of my weekend. Other events I took part in that were on my list of good times were: hanging with my girlfriend, watching the patriots beat the ravens, and eating haddock tacos from CJ's.

Rock, Paper, Scissors

This game has been around for ages and I just want to talk a little about how great it is. If there is ever a need for a quick decision to be made (i.e. who gets up to get something, who has the last of something, who is the better person) all of this can easily be decided in a matter of seconds with a quick game, obviously best 2 out of 3. For those of you that are a little slow the best 2 out of 3 term means whoever wins 2 boughts of rock paper scissors out of 3 games.

Ok now to the fun psychological portion of the game. If you want to stomp beginners at rock paper scissors remember this, always through rock first. You might be wondering why, well that is because rock beats scissors and seeing as scissors is the last item of the three said while playing most beginners will through that first. That makes for an easy 1 towards your 2.

The real tricky part is you have to wonder, does my opponent know this fun fact and will they through paper (which undoubtably beats rock) foiling your 1 victory and allowing them the upper hand (pun intended).

After winning or losing the first bought the rest is up to luck, more or less. So when it comes time to tango in the art of hand battle choose wisely and choose quickly because there is no hesitating in rock paper scissors, or second guessing.